Just Some Dirty Laundry

Some Things I’m Struggling With…

I’m struggling with trying to motivate my staff and students in a proper balance of growth and maturing. I used to be at a place where we were constantly meeting as staff once a week, hashing out ideas, and focusing on our youth through generating ideas and talking about issues surrounding the group. The funny thing about the meeting process is I realized the more I focused on building a solid team (staff), the more our youth (students) numbers decreased (Note: Some of you will read that and wonder about spiritual growth throwing aside numbers. Spiritual growth was fine but we still saw a “drop off” of students.). Therefore, we started meeting less this past year as staff and focusing more and more on the students. Now that our student numbers are up again, I am seeing a decline in our staff involvement/participation. So I ask myself, “Where is the balance? What am I to do with our “team”? Is it time to build a new staff? Should we go back to meeting weekly, bi-weekly as a staff? What will happen to our students if we do this?”

I’m struggling right now because I find myself more and more at the “center” of our youth meetings. In other words, if something were to happen to “Jordan” I fear that the direction of our group would take a downward slide. I need to figure out how to get more teens and staff doing instead of watching. The problem is, and always has been, active spiritual participation. So I ask myself, “How do we get people wanting to participate in the core elements of group? How do we get our students and staff in the place where it is a weekly maturing, mentoring process instead of a “one-night-a-week” shot in the arm?

I’m struggling with beating myself up on the inside. A lot of people know that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. It’s not easy for me to keep my feelings covered. However, I wonder how many people could tell the spiritual warfare that takes place in my soul (Can I get an “amen” from the pastors out there?). While this might be due to the massive amount of Bible reading I have chosen to take on or due to the “winter depression” (that’s what I choose to call the slump that is brought on by the snow. Hell is a cold place… believer me.), it still doesn’t remove the fact that I am at war internally. So I ask myself, “Is God doing something internally that I am not listening to? Is He preparing me for something greater than what is going on right now? Am I fighting more with myself about issues that don’t matter or is true spiritual warfare? Is it time to take a break?”

I’m struggling with listening to everyones opinions and taking them as fact. This is a hard one. While some people have a lot of good to say, some people have no clue what they are talking about. Ministry is crazy like that. There are so many opinions on the table from the Lord’s sheep. I wonder how many people felt the need to go up to Jesus and share “what they thought” with Him? Getting so many people’s opinions, you desire to please everyone but that just can’t make that happen all the time. Sometimes leadership is throwing down the hammer and sometimes it’s steering the boat in the right direction. So I ask myself, “What do I need to do to steer the boat in the right direction? Who will I hurt in that process? Who will that guiding/steering help? How will I be a better leader if I actually “do” what needs to be done and not make excuses for why they are not happening? Who am I “scared” to hurt? How can I overcome these fears?”

The list above is kind of a ramble but it helps in the “release” of thought and sharing. I love incites from people so comments are constantly welcomed. God never said anything would be easy. As a matter of fact He said His way would be a little bit difficult if I’m doing things right. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m doing some things right? Maybe there’s nothing necessarily “wrong”, it just needs to get to the stage where it’s “done better” Maybe.




1 Response to “Just Some Dirty Laundry”

  1. 1 siandshorty February 16, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Im a youth pastor in England and I’ve often struggled with this same situation! I think its important to build team and students at the same time! So the way we do it here is we have a core team which is made up of student leaders and adults as well. This provides a great a really good cross section of the youth ministry to be able to gauge where everyone is!
    Keep serving and following God, trust Him in everything you do!
    God bless!


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